The Pigdemic
by the original KeT
Summary: A timely oneshot. Like everyone else Stork is worried about the swine flu, but he hasn't got all the facts this time... Formerly titled "Feverish", but I decided to change the title cuz there are about a billion fics with the same title.


I do not own _Storm Hawks_. If I did, Dark Ace and Aerrow would be foxy chicks so that we fanboys could pair them in a love triangle with Master Cyclonis. But I don't. This has no OCs in it. What's more: I don't own the H1N1 virus. If I did, I would either be the terrorist ruler of the world or in a cave somewhere with mothers of babies baying for my blood. So no ownage here whatsoever.

Also, this is only my second fic, so if it's not all that... I'll improve. Hopefully. Are there pigs in Atmos?

* * *

"...have you been near any _swine_ recently?"

Piper looked up from studying one of her crystals and gave Stork a cockeyed look. "Swine? As in pigs? Um, no, Stork, I haven't, since we've been cooped up on the _Condor_ for ages due to the bad weather. And considering we haven't been near any pigs in living memory-- no."

"What's that about pigs?" Junko poked his head through the door, apron on. "Pigs are pork, right? I'm cooking us some pork buns for dinner tonight!"

Finn cheered. "Food at last!"

"Oh, Aurora." Stork stumbled away from Junko, wide-eyed, and tripped backward over Radarr.

"Aw, Stork, are you okay? Lemme help you up--"

"No! Wash your hands! Disinfect them! In lava!" Stork scuttled away from the offending Wallop on toes and hands. "_Nobody_ eat that pork, capisce?"

The rest of the Hawks cast their pilot strange looks.

"You're not worried about mindworms again, are you?" Aerrow asked sympathetically. "I'm sure there aren't any in Junko's meat. Besides, if there was anything in it, it'd probably die in the heat."

"Mindworms?" Stork's already round eyes bugged. "There's mindworms in it _too_?"

"There are not!" Junko wailed. "I've never ever seen a mindworm in my food. I don't even know what they look like."

"Then how'd you know one if you saw one, Sunny Jim? I'm telling you as your elder, don't touch anything this gleep--"

"_What did you say_?"

"Come on, guys." Aerrow stepped between the Wallop and the Merb, sighing. "Stork, if you're not worried about mindworms, what _are_ you freaking out about?"

"I _am_ worried about mindworms. I'm always worried about mindworms. But I'm more worried about _this_!" Stork's shaking hand flourished a piece of paper in front of his leader's eyes.

Piper took it and read aloud, trying to ignore Junko's insulted complaints and Finn's whining ("Come on, guys. There's no such thing as mindworms. Let's just eeeeeeeat.") in the background. " 'Swine flu'? Stork, this article says right here that the virus isn't carried by meat from pigs. That's just where it started."

"Yeah? Well, who'd he buy it from, though? Some _farmer_? Farmers work _outside_. In the _dirt_. Where there are bugs and germs and animal crap and stuff. And they spit and hock and wipe their noses on their hands. There could be anything in it."

Piper wrinkled her nose. "Well, OK, that _is_ nasty. But there's probably no swine flu. Which isn't even its real name. It's actually the 'H1N1 virus'."

"Ha! That's just a tactic to lull us into complacency. They don't want the public to panic."

"Panic? About what? It's a flu."

"Aha!" Stork pointed maniacally. "Don't be fooled! That's what they _want_ you to think. _They_ know that if the truth came out-- the truth that anyone struck by the swine flu begins to _break out in swine_-- there'd be Atmos-wide panic!"

Suddenly there was a long, eloquent silence.

"....what?"

"Swine. You break out in swine." Stork hugged himself, shivering. "It's a horrible fate. First: the boils. Then-- oh, the horror-- the little snouts start showing first. Then the ears. The little piggy eyes! The little curly tails! They spread like wildfire. I'm telling you, guys, this is even worse than mindworms."

The long, eloquent silence grew longer.

"...Stork. Did you even _read_ this?"

"It's a deadly virus that kills people! What more do I need to know?"

Aerrow sighed.

"Never mind. Let's just eat."

* * *

Thanks to Fanless, my cousin and beta reader, who made sure all my punctuation and stuff like that was correct. She is a perfect editor =) And she's also kind of germophobic, which made her the perfect audience for this fic. Not that I'm saying she's like Stork in any way.

... [sigh] I should probably rewrite this.


End file.
